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I"'m well aware that she's chemically imbalanced-"

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I"'m well aware that she's chemically imbalanced-"

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Well, there was a huge fight last night dealing with my current depression (as previously stated myself and my gf are both bipoar, with a stable normal type boyfriend.)

I am pretty close to being entirely out of options medication wise, I've been in treatment for about 10 years now and have been on over 19 medications none of which really helped until I got on this combo of abilify and lamictal.

Well, I have been marking frowny faces on the eraser board for every day that I am depressed, and after so many days I was going to call my psychiatrist. Gf freaked out, "Why are you waiting so long, why would you PUT US THROUGH THIS if it's avoidable?"


Things are different between us. We experience symptoms differently and we have VERY different mental health histories. I have been hospitalized 11 times in the last 10 years and she has never 'served any time'. I am out of options med wise, and I really don't want to take the chance of upping my lamictal unless I'm entirely sure that this isn't just some fluke, or just having a bad week. I want to BE SURE, because if I up it unneccesarily, and later have an episode, there will be nowhere to go, I'm at my limit on abilify, can't really go higher, and I'm only 100 mgs from being at my limit on lamictal. I just would hate to up it, then later have an episode and have no med options left to me.

I as SO angry at her. SHe started compairing us, the way bf and I treat her vs the way I expect to be treated. She doesn't seem to 'get' that our situations are so different. Sure, after a few days or a week I might say "Maybe you should call your doc" because a week or so of her having symptoms is enough of a reason to call, but for me, I have to be very careful that I'm not experiencing something situational and unintentionally push myself into a medication corner so to speak.

She is newly diagnosed, the secod med she tried worked for her. SHE IS SO LUCKY. She doesn't realize how hard it can be. I hae a feeling they will be taking her off lithium and trying something new because it's giving her acne on her body (not face) and it's painful.

Anyhow, this is where fair but not equal comes into play right? I mean, just because bf (of 13 years, he knows how to handle me for the most part by this point.) She has to realize that we are trying to help take care of her too, and me, but the way that we take care of each other is different, She really threw a fit last night. Her big beef with me was that by waiting it out, I am "putting her through hell" and other such things that make me feel guilty and isolative for my depression.

just ranting I guess, needed to get that off my chest. I know it's not an active community here, I wish it were, I hope someone can see, and understand, I guess.
  • Equal treatment is not treating everyone exactly the same. Is she unwilling to hear any explanations for why you can't call the doctor as soon as your mood sours?

    Her complaints seem rather self-centered -- she isn't worried about how you feel, but how you are "putting them through Hell." Does the BF agree with this complaint? That level of self-centeredness could be indicative of some type of personality disorder. Unfortunately, if that's the case, then trying to get her to see reason could be a real challenge, if it's possible. Wish I had something more uplifting to say!
    • Yeah, honestly she is pretty self centered. bf does not agree with her, she got mad because he was "taking my side" and that if it were HER mood going sour, that we would be treating her differently than the treatment I expect/get from bf.

      We had a talk and after I explained, calmly and rationally, my situation, she stood there silent. She never apologizes, even when I know she knows she's wrong. So I said, in reply to her silence, her silent admission that she was wrong, that, "I know you are too stubborn to admit when you are wrong, so it's okay to sit there in silence if you understand." and she went on to some other topic, discussing, far more calmly, the situation at hand as far as how she is treated vs how I am treated.
      • That may be as close to agreement as you will get, it sounds like. If the title seems to apply, look for a book called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me!" It's in the psych section, and it discusses a personality disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not diagnosing her -- not my place and not my profession -- but it's got some good tactics for dealing with a loved one who is so combative, as well as help setting your own boundaries.

        I do hope the discussion helps. It may be that she is not yet fully treated and that is making her react dramatically and out of proportion to the situation. It is a good sign that she was calmer after your discussion. The fact that bf agrees with you is a pretty good barometer of who is being reasonable, it sounds like.
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